


open the gates (for feelings unbound)

by glazedsun



Series: SamBucky Bingo [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22561309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glazedsun/pseuds/glazedsun
Summary: When Bucky's therapist suggests that he visit an animal shelter, he doesn't expect to immediately fall in love with a cat and meet a pretty gorgeous guy.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Series: SamBucky Bingo [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601554
Comments: 3
Kudos: 120
Collections: MHEA Harlequin Hoopla Prompt Challenge 2020





	open the gates (for feelings unbound)

**Author's Note:**

> this went in a very different direction than i was intending, but i still quite like it. 
> 
> warning: bucky deals with a pretty bad episode of anxiety and depression here related to his PTSD and a sick cat, so please be careful! it all is fluffy and happy in the end, though. 
> 
> title is from "shelter" by dermot kennedy. enjoy!

Bucky made his way into the animal shelter quietly, nervously keeping to himself. He felt awkward being here, out of place and on edge. He wanted to leave, but reminded himself that his therapist would be disappointed in him if he didn’t go through with this.

He lingered by the side of the door, glancing around and sighing. He needed to just… do this. Right.

He wasn’t going to admit to anyone, especially his therapist, that coming into this shelter to try and find a pet was infinitely more terrifying than stepping into battle. It wasn’t even the animals, though, so much as… well, the people. He swallowed thickly, forcing himself to go over to look in the first cage.

As he walked past the cages, greeting the animals, Bucky felt himself start to relax. He paused in front of a fluffy white cat, booping it on the nose and smiling when it made a little noise, headbutting his finger. Bucky grinned.

“He’s sweet, right?” a voice came from next to him, making Bucky jump. “Sorry,” he apologized with a laugh.

Bucky took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart as he turned to face the man standing there. “He is,” Bucky said after a moment, smiling nervously. “Why hasn’t he been adopted?” He asked, his voice wavering with nerves slightly, but he thought he mostly sounded confident.

The man hesitated, then offered his finger in the cage as well. The cat nibbled on it, breathing loud through its nose. “He’s… got some anxiety issues. Doesn’t usually warm up to strangers often. I think I’m the only one of the volunteers he actually likes. If I could take him, I would.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I’ve got too many birds,” the man laughed. “I’m Sam, by the way,” he said.

“Bucky,” he replied. “What’s this guy’s name?”

“That’s Alpine,” Sam said. “He really is a good boy, he’s just… nervous a lot.”

Bucky felt his heart swell as he stared into the big blue eyes of the cat. “Me too,” Bucky murmured, scratching behind Alpine’s ear.

Sam looked back and forth between man and cat, looking like he’s processing something. “Do you want to take him into a room and see if you guys get along?”

Bucky hesitated. He’d promised his therapist that he would at least come and meet some animals. Sure, she had suggested that it would probably be good for him to actually adopt one… have a companion and a comfort… but was he actually ready to take the step of caring for another? “Sure,” he finally said, stepping back.

Sam nodded, moving so that he could open the cage. He murmured to Alpine, coaxing him out of the cage far enough that he could reach in carefully to pick him up. Bucky watched as Alpine hesitated before allowing Sam to pick him up. He followed Sam to a small room where there were ledges and toys all over, for the cats to explore.

“Let him do his thing for a little first before engaging him at all,” Sam said, and Bucky nodded. They sat down on the floor, watching as Alpine stalked off to one of the corners, where he curled up and stared warily at the two of them.

“Is this what he usually does?” Bucky asked, staring right back at the cat, trying to read him.

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Sometimes he’ll come over, sometimes he decides that he wants to come say hi. I’ve only ever seen him do that once or twice.”

“And he still didn’t get adopted?”

Sam sighed, shaking his head. “They came back another day with their kid,” he explained. “Alpine was a little nervous around the kid, and the kid was so high energy that I decided it probably wasn’t a good match, you know?”

Bucky nodded, resisting the urge to start chewing on his fingernail or some other nervous twitch that he’d picked up in recent months. He relaxed after a few moments, though, when he realized that Sam wasn’t going to force any kind of awkward small talk upon him. It was a little awkward, but also nice.

They sit together for a few moments in silence. Bucky’s eyes widened when he realized that Alpine was slowly starting to inch forward.

“Don’t move,” Sam whispered to Bucky. “Just let him come on his own terms.”

Bucky nodded slightly, staring at Alpine as he stalked forward, pausing every once in a while like he was making sure that they weren’t paying attention to him. He forced himself to look away from the cat when Alpine paused, considering. He looked over at Sam instead, studying the man’s face.

He had kind eyes, Bucky noticed, which made sense if Alpine trusted him.

“I think we have a winner,” Sam murmured, a huge grin on his face.

Bucky looked down, trying not to grin as Alpine carefully crawled into his lap. Bucky hesitated for a moment, and then reached down to offer his finger to the cat, who sniffed at it and flopped down. “Oh my god,” Bucky whispered.

Sam stayed silent, watching Bucky and Alpine. Bucky felt like he was holding his breath for a moment, just watching Alpine. He ran his finger over Alpine’s head and down his spine, unable to help the smile when Alpine arched his back and made a soft sound that almost sounded like a purr.

“He’s perfect,” Bucky murmured when Alpine nuzzled into his hand.

“I have never seen him warm up to someone so quickly,” Sam admitted. “It even took him a little while to warm up to me.”

“Really?” Bucky asked, looking up at Sam.

Sam nodded. “Might be the whole bird thing, though.”

“Bird thing?”

Sam nodded, grinning a little. “Bird thing. It’s a long story.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, but Sam didn’t seem too keen on expanding the story. Bucky shrugged, reaching over for one of the toys that were laying around. He threw the little ball, and laughed when Alpine looked up at it, watched it, and then laid his head back down.

“Guess he’d rather cuddle,” Sam laughed. “Can’t say I blame him.”

Bucky felt himself blush a little bit, looking down at the cat. “He… I like him,” Bucky murmured, stroking him, trying to find the words to express the immediate connection that he’d felt with this cat. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

“We could get started on the paperwork,” Sam suggested when he noticed Bucky floundering for words, smiling at Bucky.

Bucky took a deep breath. It was a big commitment, bringing a cat into his life when he had days when some days he struggled taking care of himself. It would be good, he convinced himself, thinking back on all the arguments that his therapist had given to him. “Yeah, okay,” he murmured, smiling down at Alpine. “What do you think, buddy, you want to come home with me?”

Alpine let out a loud meow that startled both Bucky and Sam into laughter. “I think that’s a yes,” Sam snorted, standing up. He reached down to pick up Alpine, then offered a hand to help Bucky.

Bucky grasped his hand and stood up, feeling warm all over, surprised at how easily it had worked out. The skeptical part of his brain, who knew that nothing ever worked out this easily for him, waited for the ball to drop. But then Alpine stretched up and nuzzled his head against Sam’s neck, and Bucky melted.

“Might have to give me your number so I can send you pictures of this guy,” Bucky murmured, reaching over to take Alpine from Sam’s hands as Sam started to gather the necessary papers.

“Smooth,” Sam smirked up at Bucky, who blinked and then laughed, giving a little sheepish shrug. Okay, he’d only been _partially_ intending to hit on Sam. “I think that can be arranged.” Bucky beamed at him, then looked down at Alpine, feeling better than he’d felt in ages.

-

It was not a good day. Bucky curled up in a ball, eyes tightly closed, shaking and covered in a sheen of sweat as he tried to come to his bearings. He’d been caught in a string of nightmares, and had woken up disoriented, unsure where he was.

Bucky wasn’t sure how long he’d been like that, but he was pulled out of his mind when he heard a plaintive meow from the corner of the room. He forced his eyes open, slowly sitting up, still shaking. He tried to unclench his left hand, but the metal would barely budge. Bucky sighed, glancing at his tattered sheets before another mewl catches his attention.

“What’s up?” he asked Alpine, his voice shaky. He swore to himself when he noticed that Alpine was curled up, panting in a way that was very unlike him. “Oh, kitty,” he said, sadly, and then promptly began to freak out.

What was he supposed to do? Alpine was clearly sick, and the thought of getting out of bed terrified him. He collapsed back on his bead, breathing rapidly. It was one thing for him to suffer alone, but another for him to let his cat suffer. Alpine had been a huge help to him in the weeks since he’d brought him home, after all.

“What am I going to do, buddy?” Bucky murmured, only receiving another sad meow in response. He felt unexpected tears fill his eyes as his flesh hand started to shake again. He closed his eyes, swallowing and trying to compose himself.

His eyes flew open after a few moments when an idea hit him. He gathered his strength, reaching for where he’d thrown his phone the night before. He swallowed, scrolling through his phone until he found Sam’s number.

Without letting himself think too much on it, he hit call, hoping to everything in his power that Sam would actually pick up the phone.

“Hello?” Bucky whimpered out a sound of pure relief at the sound of Sam’s voice. “Hello?” Sam asked again, and Bucky still couldn’t find words to say. “… Bucky?”

“Yeah,” Bucky slurred, feeling another wave of anxiety hit.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Sam asked.

“Alpine… he…” Bucky trailed off, closing his eyes, his breathing too shallow to be able to really force out words.

Sam made a soft sound that Bucky couldn’t quite interpret. “Deep breaths,” he said. Bucky nodded, even though Sam couldn’t see him, and tried to force himself to take breaths when Sam instructed him to. It took a few minutes, but he was finally able to bring himself mostly under control. “Better?” Sam asked gently.

“Yeah,” Bucky murmured. “Alpine, he doesn’t look good. But I… I can’t,” even though his breathing was under control, Bucky still found it hard to say the words, to admit that he was too terrified to get out of bed, that his arm was still frozen and clenched around a tattered bed sheet.

“It’s okay,” Sam said, still sounding incredibly gentle. “I’m going to look up your address and be right over, okay?”

“Are you allowed to do that?” Bucky asked.

“Of course not,” Sam replied, and Bucky could practically see the smirk and little shrug through the phone. “But it’s what I’m going to do. Tell Alpine I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay,” Bucky whispered, letting the phone drop to the bed next to him. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather at least enough strength to go unlock the door. A pitiful meow from the corner was enough to spur him in to action, so he forced himself to stand up. “I know, buddy,” Bucky said, bending down to scratch behind Alpine’s ear and press a kiss to the top of his head. “Sam will be here soon to help us, okay?” Alpine meowed in response. Bucky gave him a worried look before crossing the short distance to the door, going through the motions of unlocking it before making his way back to sit on the floor next to Alpine.

He didn’t like the idea of just leaving the door unlocked, not like this, but it was for Sam. He trusted Sam. And besides, where he was, he could keep an eye on the door. Bucky murmured nonsense to Alpine, who couldn’t muster up the energy to crawl into Bucky’s lap, but lifted his head enough to rest his chin on Bucky’s thigh.

Somehow, it was only a matter of minutes before there was a knock at the door, which made Bucky frown. That was impossible. The shelter was too far away for Sam to get here that quickly. Bucky tensed up, wishing that he was closer to the bed so he could grab the knife that he kept in the bedside table (according to his therapist, this was a big step up from the nights he used to sleep with it under his pillow. Bucky wasn’t so sure what that meant).

“Bucky?” Immediately upon recognizing the voice, Bucky relaxed a fraction.

“It’s open,” he said, hoping his voice was loud enough to carry through the door. He couldn’t muster up the energy to get much louder. “How did you get…” the question died on Bucky’s lips once Sam was through the door, ducking down so that… a pair of wings fit through the door? He blinked, watching as Sam walked into the room. “The bird thing?”

“The bird thing,” Sam affirmed, and Bucky couldn’t help but stare at the huge wings. “Look at you two,” he said gently, bending down in front of Bucky. Even though both Bucky and Alpine trusted and liked Sam, they still tensed up. “Rough day?” Sam asked, and Bucky traced his sight to where the metal hand was now clenching and unclenching. His voice wasn’t judgmental or overly curious, though, just… matter of fact.

Almost like he understood.

Bucky nodded. “Nightmares,” he found himself admitting. “Then Alpine wasn’t in bed with me, which freaked me out more, and I heard him and….” Bucky trailed off, scratching gently at the cat again.

“And you called me?” Sam prompted, holding out a finger for Alpine to sniff at.

“Didn’t even really think about it,” Bucky shrugged. “Just… did it. Don’t know why.”

Sam looked up from Alpine to meet Bucky’s eyes, and was silent for a moment, reading him. It looked like he had more that he wanted to say, but instead his voice was gentle as he said, “Well, lucky for you two I have experience with PTSD and a very basic knowledge of vet tech stuff from working at the shelter and teaching myself.”

It startled Bucky, how easily Sam could just throw that around. _PTSD_. It was hard for Bucky to even think the term, let alone admit to it. “I knew he’d be in good hands.”

“Both of you will be,” Sam said. He kept eye contact with Bucky for a moment before turning his attention to Alpine and doing what seemed like some very basic checks. He remained mostly silent as he worked, other than murmuring words of comfort to the cat. Bucky sat in tense silence, still slightly shaking from just the overwhelming nature of everything happening that morning. “He’s going to need to go in to get looked at,” Sam said finally, speaking like he was talking to a nervous animal in Bucky.

It felt like Bucky’s whole body crumpled in on itself. “I can’t…” he trailed off, looking warily at the door. He _knew_ Alpine needed to go in. He wanted desperately to bring Alpine in. But the thought of actually physically stepping past the threshold of this apartment, the one place he felt safe, was mortifying and paralyzing.

Sam nodded, almost like he’d been expecting that. “If it’s okay with you, I can take him. I can get him there in no time. He’s going to be okay, I promise you. I think he may have just gotten into something he shouldn’t have.”

“You’d… you would do that for me?” Bucky asked, surprised. They’d only spoken a few times since that day at the shelter, mostly just in texts, and yet here Sam was offering to take Bucky’s cat in to the vet.

“Of course. I get it, Buck,” he said, meeting Bucky’s eyes. Bucky looked back, reading enough to see that Sam wasn’t lying. “These babies,” he stretched the wings behind him, feathers puffing up a little bit as he did so, “can get me there quicker than you’d think. Do you want me to call you from the office when I get there?”

Bucky hesitated, still feeling guilty and overwhelmed at everything that was happening. He was putting a lot of trust in Sam by letting him take his beloved cat. “It won’t… hurt him?”

“Promise,” Sam said. “I’ll put him in his carrier, and I’ll be safe. I’ll protect Alpine.”

Bucky hesitated for another few moments before finally nodding in conceit. “Please be careful with him,” he murmured. “His carrier’s in the closet.” Sam nodded and stood up, careful not to knock anything over with the wings as he went in search of the carrier. “We’ve gotta talk about those wings when you get back,” Bucky said, voice tired.

Sam laughed, and turned around to grin at Bucky in a way that made his heart skip a beat. “Guess you do deserve that.” He walked back over, and together they helped Alpine into the crate. Bucky forced his hand to open enough that he could yank the sheet out of it with the other, and ripped it in half, making Sam wince.

“It was already ripped apart,” Bucky muttered in embarrassment, but Sam only nodded and watched as Bucky added it to the crate so Alpine could curl up on something more comfortable.

“We’ll be okay,” Sam reassured Bucky. “I’ll call you as soon as we get there, okay?”

Bucky could only nod, watching Sam walk out the door with Alpine. His heart hurt when his sensitive ears picked up the sad sounds that Alpine was making.

-

Waiting was the hardest part. Even though Sam had Bucky on speaker phone, so Bucky could hear everything that the vet was saying, he was still tense from not being there. If he had the energy, he would probably be pacing around the room. As it was, he’d merely collapsed back on to his bed, curling up into a ball and fighting back the tears of exhaustion and fear that threatened to overtake him.

He was nearly on the verge of falling back asleep when the door of the apartment opened. Bucky sat up with a start, eyes darting frantically around the room until they settled on Sam.

“Just me,” Sam said. “Sorry, I should have knocked first. I thought you heard me say I was on the way back.”

“I must have spaced out,” Bucky admitted, face going red. It hadn’t happened in a while, losing time like that, so he must be doing worse than he even realized.

Sam just nodded, closing the door behind him and kneeling down to open the crate. Alpine came barreling out of the open door, running across the room and leaping into the bed so he could climb into Bucky’s lap and curl up, nudging his head into Bucky’s hand to demand pets. “Someone’s feeling better,” Sam laughed, walking in to sit on the corner of the bed, watching the two of them.

“That’s my boy,” Bucky murmured, stroking Alpine’s soft fur and immediately feeling better. “What was wrong?” he asked, looking up to Sam. Sam and the vet had told him, Bucky remembered hearing the words, but he couldn’t seem to remember what they actually said.

“He had something lodged in his throat. The doc and I were able to get it out, so he’s good to go,” Sam explained.

Bucky felt relief wash over him. “Thank you,” he said earnestly, eyes meeting Sam’s.

“You’re welcome,” Sam said, smiling gently.

Bucky hesitated for a moment, then patted the bed next to him. Sam gave him a searching look before nodding and scooting to sit next to Bucky, leaning back against the wall. Bucky watched in awe as Sam easily maneuvered his wings. “So you have wings.”

“I have wings,” Sam laughed, wrapping one of them around Bucky and Alpine.

Bucky, somewhat unconsciously, used it as an excuse to lean in and rest his head on Sam’s shoulder, still stroking Alpine’s soft fur. “Why didn’t you have them at the shelter?”

“I can hide them if needed,” Sam explained.

“Magic?” Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow. Since he’d been back in New York, he had heard rumors of magical creatures and sorcery, but it had never fully been confirmed.

“I guess it would be that, yeah. I can… make them invisible, in a way. They’re still there, but they can’t be seen, and it’s harder for anyone else to feel them.”

“Do you always hide them in public?” Bucky asked, relaxing more into Sam as they talked.

“Nah,” Sam smiled, and if Bucky had been looking closer, he would have noticed that Sam seemed to be pleased with the way the tension was starting to bleed from him. “I used to, a lot, when I was growing up. I kind of became known for them after my time in the Army, though, so I embraced it instead of seeing them as shameful, unless I’m somewhere they might put me in danger. And I keep them hidden from the animals in the shelter to not make them nervous.”

“The bird thing,” Bucky said again, nodding. “They’re beautiful.” He looked up at Sam, hesitating for a moment before adding, “You’re beautiful.”

Sam flushed, pleased, and Bucky couldn’t help but smile at that. “So are you.”

It was Bucky’s turn to blush at that, looking down at Alpine for a moment before looking back up at Sam. “It’s been…,” he started, then trailed off. “I’m not…,” he frowned, trying to find the right words. He hadn’t even thought about anyone else since he’d broken free from Hydra, but here was this beautiful man in his bed, who dropped everything that he was doing to come help him and his cat.

“We can take it slow,” Sam reassured Bucky, as if he’d read Bucky’s thoughts.

Bucky stared up at Sam, a slow smile coming over his face. Slow. Slow sounded good. “I like the sound of that,” he murmured.

Sam leaned in and pressed a feather light kiss to Bucky’s cheek, nodding. “Me, too. You know what else I think you’ll like the sound of?”

“What?”

“A nap,” Sam grinned. “You’ve both had a really rough morning, and I think just sleeping it off will help more than forcing yourself past it. And you’ll have me here.”

The words were unspoken, but Bucky still got the meaning behind them: Sam would be there to watch over them, and to comfort Bucky if he had more nightmares. It was a lot to take in. “You don’t have anywhere else to be?”

“Not anymore,” Sam reassured Bucky. 

Bucky stared at Sam, hesitant and a little nervous. But Sam’s face was warm, gentle. There was something about being wrapped up in those wings of his, too, that had Bucky feeling safe, like he could relax enough to fall back asleep. “Okay,” he murmured.

Sam beamed at Bucky, and helped them shift around so he could lay on his back. Bucky curled on his side, resting his head on Sam’s broad chest, Sam’s wing wrapped protectively around him, while Alpine curled up on Sam’s stomach. Bucky smiled to himself, closing his eyes to take it in. It took only moments for him to fall asleep.


End file.
